Copyright © The British Psychological Society Reproduction in any form (including the internet) is prohibited without prior permission from the Society What mothers say and what they do: The relation between parenting, theory of mind, language and conflict/cooperation Ted Ruffman 1,2 *, Lance Slade 3 , Kerry Devitt 2 and Elena Crowe 2 1 University of Otago, New Zealand 2 University of Sussex, UK 3 University of Roehampton, UK We used a longitudinal study with 55 middle- and upper middle-class children to investigate the relation between early mother characteristics (e.g. mental state talk, general parenting style) and later child characteristics (e.g. theory of mind, conflict/cooperation). Children were tested once when they were around 3 years and then again around 4 years. At each time point, children were given a task in which mothers helped the child and a friend draw items with a drawing toy. We examined 2 measures of child theory of mind (task performance and mental state talk), and 4 measures of conflict/cooperation. Early mother mental state talk was uniquely related to both later theory of mind measures and 2 of 4 later conflict/cooperation measures. Mother parenting style (warmth) was uniquely related only to 1 later child conflict/cooperation measure. Child theory of mind was not related to any child conflict/cooperation measures. Thus, it seems to be only what mothers say (their mental state talk) that relates to child theory of mind, and both what they say and what they do (their warmth) that relates to child conflict/cooperation. In this paper, we consider how mother talk about mental states relates to their general parenting style, and to individual differences in children’s theory of mind and tendencies to cooperate or be in conflict with their peers. We expand on each of these ideas below. Theory of mind There are now a number of studies linking aspects of mothers’ parenting, including their talk about mental states, to individual differences in children’s theory of mind. Using questionnaires in a cross-sectional study, Ruffman, Perner, and Parkin (1999) found advanced false belief understanding in 3- to 5-year-old children whose mothers claimed they focused on the feelings of the victim when children had transgressed. *Correspondence should be addressed to Ted Ruffman, Department of Psychology, University of Otago, P.O. Box 56, Dunedin, New Zealand (e-mail: tedr@psy.otago.ac.nz). The British Psychological Society 105 British Journal of Developmental Psychology (2006), 24, 105–124 q 2006 The British Psychological Society www.bpsjournals.co.uk DOI:10.1348/026151005X82848