Lorraine Crockford Chapter 11 The Deathworld of First Responders: Being a Stranger to Oneself Abstract: The study of trauma incident response is a topic of relevance for re- search as the world faces the unforeseeable in the Covid-19 pandemic. First res- ponders and those on the front lines attempt to navigate both the Lifeworld and the Deathworld of occupational exposure to trauma. The chapter presented is one based on a Schützian Lifeworld study (Crockford 2019) of six first responders excavating a deeper understanding to the phenomena of unprocessed, unad- dressed trauma exposure; a factor that correlates to first responders’ high rates of completed suicides, which are 10 times that of the general public (Heyman et al. 2018). The chapter considers the concept of the “The Stranger” (Schütz 1976, p. 91–105) in relation to first responders who purposely run toward trauma and dominate that realm; the affects from trauma exposure internalize as habituated patterns, a means for coping through the many and unsurmountable experiences they endure. Through managing chaotic situations, an emerging theme of coping in the aftermath of trauma exposure was to hold a sense of culpability and self- doubt. Emotional repression emerged as a way to cope in a Lifeworld where they are never off duty. This chapter draws on the first responder experience, in partic- ular, to convey how the Lifeworld and Deathworld is negotiated in a type of hy- pervigilance and a splitting off of the emotional self for survival. Keywords: Alfred Schütz, Lifeworld, lived experience, Deathworld, first responder trauma exposure This chapter is based on a Lifeworld study of six first responders’ experience of trauma including two police officers, two firefighters, a flight nurse, and an emergency medical technician (Crockford 2019). Alfred Schütz’ (1962) Lifeworld ontology is a phenomenological approach that offers researchers a scaffolding from which to explore the intersubjective experience of trauma. The premise of the chapter is to show how traumatic experience leads first responders to be- come a stranger to themselves and others. The findings of the study showed that ultimately first responders become a stranger to themselves due to unpro- cessed, unhealed trauma derived from their attempts to help others and the re- pression of those experiences. Unprocessed, unaddressed trauma is significant https://doi.org/10.1515/9783110691818-011