VOL. 22, NO. 4, JULY/AUGUST 2003 39 N EONATAL N ETWORK B ECOMING A NEW PARENT BRINGS WONDER, JOY , AN D many other emotions. But we, as a society, do not always consider the emotions that parents experience when their newborn is very sick or pre- mature. Many expectant parents do not imagine that anything can go wrong during the preg- nancy and so are not prepared if something does happen and the child is taken away to the neona- tal intensive care unit or even, in some cases, the morgue. My own experience with these feelings has taught me a great deal about the needs of parents in the NICU. My first child was planned for, and I eagerly awaited his arrival. I was full of hope and expectation as the pregnancy progressed. But during my 26th week of pregnancy, it became obvious that both the baby and I were doing poorly, and so I was hospital- ized. As my blood pressure continued to climb, I still was not fully aware of the seriousness of the situation. Perhaps I was unconsciously avoiding the questions that would have given me answers I did not want to hear. After a few days in the hospital, I went through a series of tests to determine just how critical my situation was and whether my child would need to be delivered early. While I was undergoing a stress test, sadly, my child, Nicholas, died from the contractions, and it was then known for sure that I had pre-eclampsia and that my own life was now also in danger. Several years after Nicholas died, I was expecting my fourth child and encountered complications in my 32nd week of pregnancy. My membranes ruptured but then resealed, and so I did not deliver Connor until my 39th week. When Connor was born, the nurses told me that he was “grunting” because I had delivered so quickly. I was then told that he needed to be observed, and he was taken to the NICU. While Connor was in the NICU, I was not sure what my role as a parent would entail. My experiences of having one child die in utero and having another child in the NICU left me with many feelings, includ- ing disbelief, anger, guilt, hope, and, most importantly, a sense of loyalty. Hope and loyalty provide the focus for this article. Research emphasizes the importance of attending to the range of emotions parents may experience in the NICU. 1–7 It was only very recently that I was able to label the deep feel- ings I felt toward my children during these times as loyalty, and I now understand the importance of this emotion. I also realize this emotion is not often recognized or attended to in the NICU. With the emotion of loyalty comes a strong desire to express this commitment to our very vulnerable infant. Hope is one way for parents to express their loyalty. I contend that loyalty and hope are two important parental emotions that Loyalty and Hope: Keys to Parenting in the NICU Margo Charchuk with Christy Simpson, PhD ABSTRACT When a newborn is admitted to a neonatal intensive care unit the parents may experience a variety of emotions, including a heightened sense of loyalty to their child. While health care providers are working to meet the medical needs of their patients, parents need to find ways to fulfill this sense of loyalty and to express it via hope. Through sharing the experience of having a child in the NICU, I examine hope and loyalty as critical features of parents’ NICU experience, explaining why these emotions need to be acknowledged and encouraged by health care profes- sionals. Accepted for publication June 2002. Revised August 2002.