Harvard Educational Review Vol. 94 No. 1 Spring 2024
Copyright © by the President and Fellows of Harvard College
Asking an Unasked Question
and the Radical Act of Listening:
A Story About Relationships
DEBORAH L. TOLMAN
Hunter College and The Graduate Center, City University of New York
The summer after college, I read In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and
Women’s Development, in which Carol Gilligan (1982) feshed out her 1977
Harvard Educational Review article, answering her question, “What don’t we
know because of all-male samples and virtually exclusively male researchers
and theorists?” Carol’s resulting study on how women make choices about
abortion launched a disruption in the feld of psychology: listening to women
upended a moral order, the hierarchy of justice over care and justice logic as
more developed than an ethic of care (Gilligan, 1977, 1982). Women speaking
their transgressive thoughts and feelings interrupted the deeply grooved, nor-
malizing, and pathologizing story of development as a climb to individuation
and separation, revealing that relationships and care are fundamental to well-
being and make up the moral map of the human condition. Carol contended
that when women’s voices are taken seriously, we really do hear a different
voice. Listening to the dynamic of the psyche—social norms and expectations
embedded in the body, relationships, the social and cultural outer worlds
(Gilligan et al., 1990) that kept women’s knowledge out of range—was the
way in. This practice of radical listening—listening at and for the root—changed
everything.
In this essay I write about some less obvious ways that Carol’s work, and
working with Carol, set me on a path within and beyond the ivory tower and
its hallowed halls. I begin with a kind of Foucauldian archaeology, telling an
untold, layered story about my years at the Harvard Graduate School of Educa-
tion (HGSE), tracing the centering relationships in my experience with Carol
and the Harvard Project on the Psychology of Women and the Development
of Girls as the root of my research and practice. Articulating and situating
the layers of that experience in time emphasizes the importance of space and
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