2 Counselling at Work Winter 2007/8 B ullying seems to be the watchword of the decade; it is all around us in different guises and under different names. There is a lot of written material defining what behaviours constitute ‘bullying’, mostly written with the assistance of those who have been recipients of bullying behaviours 1 . There is no legal definition of bullying and I am not going to try to define it here – it was covered in the summer 2007 issue of this journal 2 . In my experience, the impact of bullying often comes down to the perception of the level of hurt felt by an individual. While there are some people who do enjoy using bullying behaviours, I am convinced that these are few and far between; many of those who are accused of bullying do so without any malicious intent. This is not an apology that says such behaviour is acceptable; they do need to be aware of the impact of their behaviour on others, however, demonising them may not achieve the desired outcome. I would question whether bullying will ever be eradicated given the present social structures, which emphasise the role of competition and ‘survival of the fittest’. I do not see capitalist societies across the world collapsing in the immediate future! There is a need, therefore, to develop a strategy for engaging with those who use what are termed ‘bullying behaviours’. This was the basic aim of the workshop. So what is bullying? My understanding of ‘bullying’ is personal and experiential; it is based upon my own experiences of being subject to bullying behaviours and, much as I am reluctant to admit it, using bullying behaviours on others. It is unique to an individual and its impact is also unique. For me ‘bullying’ is an experiential word; it is active, not passive. It has a form and a function and we can allow it to stir things deep within us, often things we would wish to remain hidden. I know clearly what it invokes in me; however, Task 1 was to understand what it evoked in the delegates. As I listened to the words being offered by each delegate I was transported into a world of pain and anguish; each person was offering a unique insight into their experience of the word. Words such as: Shame, annihilation, isolation, ostracised, humiliation, anger, anxiety, destructive, nasty, dismissed, fear, uninvited, total indignation, shocked, disabled, target, victim, bully, perpetrator. Just looking at the words written on the board led some people to express their sadness at the language being expressed and also to make the link that this, in a strange way, may actually be what the ‘bully’ is also feeling. What about the ‘bully’? Whatever language was used to communicate what the word meant to them there was a sense www.counsellingatwork.org.uk Bullying Damian Stoupe‘s workshop from the 2007 conference Task 1 Spend a moment or two reflecting on the word ‘bullying’. What is the first image, sound, word feeling that comes to mind for you? Try not to question it, write it down. Damian Stoupe is a counsellor/mediator working in private practice with a diverse range of organisations, specialising in the resolution of workplace conflict. damianstoupe@ somersetcounselling.co.uk STOCK ILLUSTRATION/GETTY