L.J. Waks (ed.), Leaders in Philosophy of Education, 31–48.
© 2014 Sense Publishers. All rights reserved.
MEGAN BOLER
FROM EXISTENTIALISM TO VIRTUALITY
I have a secret history of burying birds, an oddly hopeful childhood ritual. Some of
the birds were my own but most were wild, found in the dark leaves or wet grass
during times we lived in the hills or woods of Northern California, or by the side of
buildings when we lived in San Francisco. At ten, I created an entire graveyard in
the dank dark of the steep south-facing hill underneath our house on 23
rd
Street in
Noe Valley.
Beneath the back porch was hard sandy clay where no sun ever reached. Here
neighborhood cats fought out turf battles, leaving tufts of fur and cat spray, but I
had no alternative – no back yard, no fields nearby. It was difficult for me to dig
deeply, and the place was not graced by any natural beauty but was to the contrary
hard to get to and difficult to perch in, and once I was there next to the graves it
was simply damp and potently acrid, but I was committed. Each small, feathered
creature deserved its own burial box, grave, prayers, and blessings. If a bird had
been dead for awhile, I did feel a sense of revulsion at the cold body and frigid
claws, whereas if it was still warm I was able to hum the final hymns with greater
tenderness. I used shoeboxes for coffins, filled the box with a bed of grass, placed
the bird’s feathered body into the box with yellow sourgrass flowers and orange
nasturtiums as a gentle cover, and began to dig. I saw myself as their minister. I
didn’t know any prayers, nor a single religious invocation, so I made up songs to
sing to them. Their passing thus marked not by liturgy but blessed with my most
sacred sense of loving thoughts and appreciation of the life they had lived flying in
the sky.
This rite grew from no church, since we went to only one church for one night
in my entire growing up, but from a tender love of the meek and the vulnerable.
Stray dogs and cats, birds and rodents all found a place in my life. Whether
domestic, captive or befriended, I found animals and they found me. Sometimes I
found them only once they were dead and became their keeper and minister for
only this short time. One and all, they found places not only in my heart but in my
digging of soil to bury each one the best I could, with small bare hands.
I have always believed I was born a philosopher and it has been a primary
identification in the world, even beyond more materialist ones including gender,
race and class. One may not be born a woman, but perhaps one may be born
existentialist? The characteristics of philosophical thought are of course learnt as
much as they are inherent, but there is a strong indication that those of us drawn to
this field of enquiry have strong predispositions to it, not unlike artists and writers
show early proclivities for their own ways of seeing the world. For me, these