QUALITATIVE INQUIRY / October 2001 Ellis / WITH MOTHER/WITH CHILD With Mother/With Child: A True Story Carolyn Ellis University of South Florida This story describes an evening of interaction with the author’s aging mother as the author assists her in her nightly routine of preparing for bed. The surrounding frame describes the author’s reading of this intimate story to her mother. The author comments on the tension between independence and dependence that occurs as she tries to help her mother without taking away control, and her mother seeks to be helped without relin- quishing control. The author reveals her hesitancy and fear in reading this story to her mother. This hesitancy leads into the last frame, which probes the general methodological issue of the ethics of writing about intimate others. Taking into account her mother’s per- spective and those of her academic audience, the author discusses how she resolved the ethical issue of how much to tell to and about her mother by living through this experi- ence with her, writing about their relationship, and examining her own feelings in the context of the story. “Mom, I’d like to read something to you, a story I wrote,” I say tentatively, carry- ing my open laptop computer into the living room. “It’s about the last time I visited and the routines you went through getting ready for bed. It’s about our relationship. Would you like to hear it?” My voice quivers slightly, but I try to speak distinctly. She turns toward me quickly, closely reading my lips, her own lips moving as she takes in what I’m saying. “Okay,” she says, clicking down the sound on her television. The lights from the picture continue to flicker, calling attention as they intersect the sun setting behind the Blue Ridge Mountains outside her front bay window. Sitting on the couch beside her La-Z-Boy chair, I scroll through my files. I click on the one entitled “With Mother/With Child,” and I begin to read my story aloud. * * * “Guess it’s time for bed,” I say, looking at my watch. Mom pulls the lever on the side of her coral La-Z-Boy chair, which lowers her feet and raises her to an upright sitting position. She squints at her watch. “Yeah, I’m tired,” she says, taking her cues from the watch dial. It’s ten o’clock, my mother’s ritual bedtime. 598 Author’s Note: I wish to thank Arthur Bochner, Leigh Berger, Elizabeth Curry, Norman Denzin, Katherine Ellis, Judy Perry, Karen Scott-Hoy, and anonymous reviewers for helpful responses to this story. I dedicate this story to my mother, Katherine Ellis. Qualitative Inquiry, Volume 7 Number 5, 2001 598-616 © 2001 Sage Publications