4 Death, Dying, and Grief in Families Colleen I. Murray, Katalin Toth, and Samantha S. Clinkinbeard On September 11, 2001, Kate was working in New York City when she received a call from her elderly father’s nursing home upstate and learned that her father had only hours to live. Her efforts to leave the city were slowed by the chaos of that tragic day, and her father died before she arrived at the nursing home. She thinks of her grief over missing her chance to say good-bye to him as selfish and insignificant compared with the losses others suffered that day. On the afternoon of September 11, 2001, 16-year-old Dan was killed in Ohio as he was walking home from school. He was run down by a drunk dri- ver who, despite a history of drunk driving, claimed he had been drinking that afternoon in response to the day’s events. Dan’s family believes that Dan’s death has gone unnoticed. A Manhattan psychotherapist observes that the initial increases in compas- sion and existential consciousness he saw in his clients soon after 9/11 have 75 Authors’ Note: Additional material related to this chapter, including suggestions for clinical, public policy, and educational interventions as well as directions for research, can be found online at http://equinox.unr.edu/homepage/cimurray/. 04-McKenry.qxd 2/10/2005 3:39 PM Page 75