Article Be the Change You Want to See: Discovering Principles of Nonviolent Social Movements in Intimate Relationships Jason B. Whiting 1 , Steven M. Harris 2 , Jaclyn D. Cravens 1 , and Megan Oka 3 Abstract Although principles of nonviolence have been applied in sociopolitical arenas, they can also be helpful in understanding intimate partner relationships. This is because couples who handle conflict in a constructive way are often using techniques and ideas congruent with nonviolent philosophies. Relationships that handle conflict by becoming aggressive could potentially apply prin- ciples of nonviolence to help them address problems in constructive ways. The purpose of this study was to explore qualitative data that described intimate partner dynamics (including conflict, violence, appraisals, and safety) to better understand how individuals apply principles of nonviolence in their partnerships to achieve healthier relationship outcomes. Three qualitative data sets were analyzed using grounded theory methodology. From this secondary analysis, emerged categories and concepts that illustrate the ways couples demonstrate nonviolence principles in these relationships. The first main category was awareness, which included accountability, reflection, commitment, and justice. The second category was action, which included the concepts of authenticity, resistance, repair, and care. These are shown in a process model that in undergirded by the category of context, which includes interaction, gender/culture, and family of origin. Implications for clinical practice and research are provided. Keywords nonviolence, intimate partnerships, intimate partner violence, couple conflict ‘‘The aftermath of violence is tragic bitterness, while the aftermath of nonviolence is the beloved community.’’ —M. L. King Jr. Conflict in intimate relationships is inevitable and can be damaging. When conflict becomes aggressive, deceptive, or cruel, it erodes safety and trust crucial for a healthy relationship and leads to deterioration of the bond between intimate partners (Gottman, 2012). This aggressive type of conflict is also harm- ful for children who witness it (e.g., Jenkins, Simpson, Dunn, Rabash, & O’Connor, 2005) and contributes to divorce (e.g., Gottman & Levonson, 1999). The most harmful intimate part- ner conflict includes abuse, coercive control, or violence (Logan, Walker, Jordan, & Leukfield, 2006). ‘‘Violence affects people and changes them forever’’ (Bar- nett, Miller-Perrin, & Perrin, 2011, p. 368). Intimate partner violence (IPV) causes devastating emotional, physical and financial costs for individuals, families, and communities (Healey, Smith, & O’Sullivan, 1998) and compromises rela- tional health by eroding the safety in the relationship. At the individual level, the consequences of IPV consist of acute injury, pain, loss of the ability to function, and potentially death. Other negative outcomes include impaired problem- solving, depression, low self-esteem, anger, anxiety, fear, sleep problems, posttraumatic stress disorder, and suicidal ideation (e.g., Barnett et al., 2011; Cercone, Beach, & Illeana, 2005; Halligan, Michael, Clark, & Ehlers, 2003; Hathaway et al., 2000; Zlotnick, Johnson, & Kohn, 2006). At the societal level, costs of IPV exceeded US$8.3 billion annually, with 70% of that amount derived from health-care expenses (Logan et al., 2006; Max, Rice, Finkelstein, Bardwell, & Leadbetter, 2004). The Center for Disease Control (CDC) reported that health- care costs for one incident of IPV is US$948 for female vic- tims, and this does not include costs associated with loss of productivity, mental health care, social services, property dam- age, or quality of life (CDC, 2005; Miller, Cohen, & Weirsema, 1 Department of Community, Family and Addiction Sciences, Texas Tech University, Lubbock, TX, USA 2 Department of Family Social Science, University of Minnesota, St. Paul, MN, USA 3 Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Utah State Uni- versity, Logan, UT, USA Corresponding Author: Jason B. Whiting, Department of Community, Family and Addiction Sciences, Texas Tech University, 271 College of Human Sciences, TTU, Lubbock, TX 79409, USA. Email: jason.whiting@ttu.edu The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families 2016, Vol. 24(4) 367-377 ª The Author(s) 2016 Reprints and permission: sagepub.com/journalsPermissions.nav DOI: 10.1177/1066480716663190 tfj.sagepub.com at TEXAS TECH UNIV LIBRARY on September 21, 2016 tfj.sagepub.com Downloaded from