Discourse About Adoption in Adoptive Families Kenneth Kaye Sarah Warren Northwestern University Medical School Forty intact families with adopted children between the ages of 13 and 19 engaged in semistructured discussions of theirfeelings and experiences as adoptive families. Microanalysis of the discussions showed that family members tend to confirm and tend to avoid disagreeing with one another's assertions about these emotion-laden issues. Nonetheless, three types of correlational analysis showed that pressure to conform with parents'"party line" was a relatively minorfactorfor the adolescents: (a) Feelings expressed in the open family discussion corresponded with the same individuals 'privately expressed feelings, much more so in the adolescents than in their parents, (b) Mothers and fathers tended to acknowledge disadvantages of adoption more than their adopted adolescents did, and the concordance between the two parents was high, both openly and privately, (c) "Acknowledgement versus rejection of differences" did not emerge as a unidimensional continuum among parents, whereas among children it was a strong unitary dimension of variance. Low acknowledgment is not necessarily a matter of denial, but high acknowl- edgment may be a coping strategy for adolescent adoptees whose development has beendifftcultforvariousreasons.Childrenwhosefamtliesreportedmoreproblems (ofall kinds) had extremely low self-esteem scores and expressed greater interest in their biological roots. Prospective studies have generally concluded that the family envi- ronment is a crucial factor in adoptees' adjustment (Bohman & Sigvardsson, 1985; Stein & Hoopes, 1986; Witmer, Herzog, Weinstein, & Sullivan, 1963). Although school and behavior problems are more prevalent in adopted children during the elementary years (Bohman & Sigvardsson, 1980; Brodzinsky, Schechter, Braff, & Singer, 1984), most adopted children do not show any such problems, especially by adolescence. What distinguishes their family environments from those who do have developmental difficulties? This study pursues a variable Stein and We are grateful to a private donor to the Center for Family Studies, Northwestern University Medical School, for financially supporting this project; to Catholic Charities of Chicago; and to The Cradle. Special appreciation goes to Susan Blake and Judith Heyhoe for interviewing and transcribing. The senior author's address is 4810 S. Dorchester Ave., Chicago, IL 60615. Journal of Family Psychology, Vol. 1 No. 4, June 1988 406-433 © 1988 by the Division of Family Psychology, APA * 406 Kayc, Warren / DISCOURSE ABOUT ADOPTION 407 Hoopes (1986) found to predict adjustment, self-esteem, and school performance: .self-reported "openness of family communication about adoption issues." For more than 20 years, the clinical literature has cited an untested hypothesis about adoptive parents' difficulty in being open to such discussions. There are indications that some parents impose upon themselves and their children an implicit eleventh commandment, "Thou shalt insist that adoption is no different from the biological parent-child relationship"(e.g., Kent& Richie, 1976; Kirk, 1964; Lifton, 1975; Sorosky, Baran, & Pannor, 1978). Following the advice of most agencies and authors, they tell their children at an early age about the adoption; but only by perfunctorily disclosing the fact, then closing discussion. Adopted children need the story retold continually as their understanding develops and leads to new questions (Brodzinsky, Singer, & Braff, 1984). Kirk (1964), on the basis of questionnaires completed by a widespread sample of adoptive parents, distinguished two alternative "coping strategies," which he called "acknowledgment of differences" and "rejection of differences." Many social workers, child psychologists, and family therapists regard the no-differences coping strategy as tant- amount to denial. If obeyed, it forces children to repress their normal curiosity about roots, leading to "genealogical bewilderment" (Brinich, 1980; Sants, 1964; Stone, 1972). Virtually all authors—clinicians (e.g., Kent & Richie, 1976; Sorosky et al., 1978) as well as researchers and personal chroniclers (e.g., Kirk, 1964; Lifton, 1975)—suggest that honoring such a prohibition leaves adoptees no room to express grief, anger, and fears about loss, abandonment, or rejection; or to work through their doubts about the adequacy of their bonds with the adoptive family. Thus parents who excessively downplay the differences between adoptive and biological relationships may impair their chil- dren's inner security and self-esteem. But that hypothesis has not been tested. One purpose of the present study was to see whether such an "acknowledgment versus rejection of differences" continuum exists among the current generation of adoptive parents. In order not to equate the rejection end of the continuum with the defense mechanism of denial, we shall simply refer to high versus low distinguishing (between their own experiences or feelings and those of biological families). A second purpose was to see whether manifestations of those intrapsychic coping strategies might be found in the ways different