Journal of Personality 84:4, August 2016 V C 2015 Wiley Periodicals, Inc. DOI: 10.1111/jopy.12171 Controlled by Love: The Harmful Relational Consequences of Perceived Conditional Positive Regard Yaniv Kanat-Maymon, 1 Guy Roth, 2 Avi Assor, 2 and Abira Raizer 3 1 Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya 2 Ben-Gurion University 3 Ariel University Abstract Research on conditional positive regard (CPR) has shown that this seemingly benign practice has maladaptive correlates when used by parents. However, there is no research on the correlates of this practice in romantic relationships or on the processes mediating its effects. Building on self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 2000), three studies tested the hypothesis that perceived CPR impairs relationship quality, partly because it undermines the fulfillment of the basic psychological needs for autonomy and relatedness. Study 1 (N 5 125) examined perceived CPR and relationship quality across four relationship targets: mother, father, romantic partner, and best friend. Study 2, involving romantic partners (N 5 142), examined whether needs fulfillment mediated the association between perceived CPR and relationship quality. Study 3, involving romantic dyads (N 5 85), also included partner reports on CPR. Across the three studies, CPR was linked with poor relationship quality between relationships, between people, and between dyadic partners. Moreover, results of Study 2 and Study 3 revealed that the inverse association between perceived CPR and relationship quality was mediated by dissatisfaction of autonomy but not relatedness. Despite its seemingly benign nature, CPR is detrimental to relationship quality, partly because it thwarts the basic need for autonomy. In the course of close relationships, partners are required to adjust to one another. They negotiate the division of roles and responsibilities; redefine their ties, both as individuals and as a couple, with each member’s family and peers; and engage in conflicting interactions. Throughout these processes, partners continually try to influence each other to get things done “their way.” One of the most powerful means people use to influence their partners is to offer their acceptance and affection contin- gently, so that the provision of affection to partners depends on their compliance with one’s expectations. This strategy has been studied in the last decade mostly in the parenting domain, using the term conditional regard (e.g., Assor, Roth, & Deci, 2004). While the practice of conditional regard was found to have considerable maladaptive correlates when used by parents (see Assor, Kanat-Maymon, & Roth, 2014), there is presently no research on the correlates of this practice in romantic relation- ships. The present research aims to start filling this gap, focusing on one type of conditional regard that may be more subtle and controversial, as well as trying to uncover the psychological processes accounting for the negative relational effects of this type of conditional regard. Conditional regard was defined as the belief that the regard of another person depends on whether one complies with the other person’s expectations (e.g., Assor et al., 2004). Compared to control strategies such as imposing physical punishment, deny- ing privileges, yelling, and public humiliation (e.g., Assor, Kaplan, Kanat-Maymon, & Roth, 2005), conditional regard can be viewed as a more indirect strategy (Falbo & Peplau, 1980), involving subtler and less painful tactics, yet just as effective. Recently, the concept of conditional regard was further differen- tiated into conditional positive regard (CPR) and conditional negative regard (CNR; Assor & Tal, 2012; Roth, Assor, Nie- miec, Ryan, & Deci, 2009). CPR involves offering more accep- tance and warmth when another person fulfills a particular expectation. It conveys the message that “I will approve of, like, Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Yaniv Kanat-Maymon, School of Psychology, Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya P.O.Box 167, Herzliya 46150, Israel. E-mail: ymaymon@gmail.com