Mothering, Guilt and Shame Jean-Anne Sutherland* University of North Carolina Wilmington Abstract Even as research continues to explore mothering experiences and social psychologists consider the costs of guilt and shame, few empirical works have examined the relationships among mothering, guilt and shame. The idea that guilt and shame are necessary components of mothering is wide- spread. A few sources take seriously the emotions of guilt and shame nor has considerable thought been given to the social nature of guilt and shame. Rather than accept a purely psychological explanation of guilt and shame, I investigate the institutional and interactional dynamics that fuel women’s drives to perform as ‘the good mother’. In particular, I explore the ‘good mothering’ ideology that places mothers at risk of guilt and shame and then two social and institutional spaces where guilt and shame are likely to be prevalent. Introduction The notion of maternal guilt is so pervasive in our culture as to be considered a ‘natural’ component of motherhood (Seagram and Daniluk 2002). To read a popular press book or piece of social scientific research on motherhood is to read about guilt. That mothers experience guilt and shame in relation to their roles as mothers is the most prevalent finding in mothering research, although it has not specifically been researched with any depth. It simply is, as Rich (1976 / 217) said of mothers: ‘the guilt, the powerless responsi- bility for human lives, the judgments and condemnations, the fear of her own power, the guilt, the guilt, the guilt’. Because research has demonstrated that guilt, especially if persistent, can result in a sense of ineffectiveness that impacts physical well-being, mental health and the ability to be productive (Harper and Arias 2004) and because shame involves a ‘global condemna- tion of the self’ (Tangney and Dearing 2002 / 118) and is related to a host of indices of psychopathology, it is important to explore guilt and shame within the mothering role. However, a few sociological studies have directly and systematically examined mothering, guilt and shame. Despite the scarcity of research considering this topic, the notion of ‘maternal guilt’ in the media and in the everyday lives of women is inescapable (Seagram and Daniluk 2002). While popular magazines such as Working Mother, Women’s Day and Ebony, offer mothers tips on managing or coping with guilt, the assumption that guilt exists goes uncontested. Hays (1996) described the dynamics of the ‘guilt gap’, in which mothers, when com- pared to fathers, experience vastly higher levels of guilt – even when both are equally responsible for childcare. Further, Douglas and Michaels (2004) not only described women as guilt ridden, but also contend that this guilt co-occurs with and is exacerbated by feelings of inferiority, exhaustion, confusion, fearfulness and anger. Mothers experi- ence guilt (and more than likely, shame yet they use the word ‘guilt’), they note that it does not feel good, yet research exploring this ‘given’ is lacking. Sociology Compass 4/5 (2010): 310–321, 10.1111/j.1751-9020.2010.00283.x ª 2010 The Author Journal Compilation ª 2010 Blackwell Publishing Ltd