Please cite this article in press as: Knapp, M.C. An autoethnography of a (reluctant) teacher leader. Journal of Mathematical Behavior (2017), http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jmathb.2017.02.004 ARTICLE IN PRESS G Model MATBEH-570; No. of Pages 16 Journal of Mathematical Behavior xxx (2017) xxx–xxx Contents lists available at ScienceDirect The Journal of Mathematical Behavior journal homepage: www.elsevier.com/locate/jmathb An autoethnography of a (reluctant) teacher leader Melinda C. Knapp Oregon State University-Cascades, 650 SW Columbia Street, Bend, OR 97702, USA a r t i c l e i n f o Article history: Received 1 August 2016 Received in revised form 16 January 2017 Accepted 7 February 2017 Available online xxx Keywords: Teacher leadership Leadership identity Mathematics coaching Math Studio Community of practice a b s t r a c t Many believe teacher leaders can play a central role in meeting the needs of students in schools, but it is presumptuous to think that teachers intuitively know how to lead their colleagues or schools without any focused support. This paper describes how one mid- dle school mathematics teacher learned to enact leadership through an informal role as a teacher leader. The results of this autoethnographic study also reveal how the teacher’s view of leadership changed during the year of the study. As that leadership identity tran- sitioned, the researcher found that adopting a lead-by-example and lead-learner stance supported her work with colleagues. A presentation of findings related factors that sup- ported and hindered the transition from mathematics teacher to that of teacher leader are shared. Factors that supported teacher leadership included maintaining a disposition of continuous learning, developing a community of practice with colleagues, and developing a systems view of leading. The experiences and factors that hindered the process of becom- ing a teacher leader included confusion about one’s leadership role, navigating the middle ground between colleague and leader, and the lack of communication with administration. The findings in this paper suggest several courses of action for supporting emergent teacher leaders. © 2017 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. 1. Introduction and background I never intended to become a teacher. On the contrary, I resisted that thought throughout my formative years. I had many teachers in my extended family, and I remember being told that I would make a good teacher. I am not sure why I was opposed to the idea, other than it seemed ordinary to me. Little did I know that being a “good teacher” is far from ordinary, and my eventual decision to become a mathematics teacher has fulfilled my life in innumerable ways Similarly, once a mathematics teacher, I never intended to become a teacher leader. Such a shift in thinking was as immense for me as the shift in identity from teacher to teacher leader. Leadership never crossed my mind when I was a beginning teacher, but through my experiences of introspection, examination, change, and professional growth, I eventually found myself in the position of teacher leader. (Melinda, journal entry) New to my school, I was asked to be part of a grant-funded professional learning opportunity. Reluctantly, I agreed to spend three weeks during the summer for the next four years taking mathematics content courses and engaging in leadership seminars. Over time, I was expected to bring part of my learning back to my colleagues, but feeling comfortable doing this was not easy. I barely felt adequate “trying on” some of the new teaching approaches I was learning with my own students, let alone opening my classroom door for others to observe. E-mail address: melinda.knapp@osucascades.edu http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jmathb.2017.02.004 0732-3123/© 2017 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.